There are many different stages of a relationship. There’s the first stage, which I call the butterfly stage. The second stage, which is the “on drugs” stage. The third stage, which I consider the practical stage, and the last stage, which is the long term. Each stage is amazing in their own way and critical for a healthy, long term relationship to go through. It’s important to feel head over heels for someone where you see zero flaws in them and you can’t wait to jump all over them when you see them. It may not feel like it in the moment, but it’s equally important to go through the middle practical stage, where you are able to see your partner’s flaws and can see if you have the same values and are compatible for a long term relationship. Finally, for obvious reasons, the last phase is so important and is what will hold you and your partner together. By this stage, you’ve established that your relationship has passion, fun, laughter, honesty, open communication, problem solving skills and so much more. But how do you keep all the other important stages alive?
I want to preface this by saying that I am not a relationship expert at all. I am not a therapist and I don’t have any sort of license in this. What I do have is experience in what really unhealthy relationships look like, and I also have experience in what a really healthy 5.5 year relationship looks like. With that, I definitely have seen what works and what doesn’t.
Let’s Talk About The Relationship Butterflies
While all of the stages are equally important, I have found that once you get to the long term stage of your relationship, you are regularly practicing stage 3 and 4. What I’ve heard get lost from couples who are separated is that the first two stages get forgotten about. To be honest, I could see how.
How The Butterflies Go Away
Life happens and responsibilities do too. We all have them and it’s unavoidable. When you choose to spend your life with someone, you have to talk about real things. Bills, religion, family, life…literally everything. Things come up and you have to confront them head on. Sometimes with that, it causes stress, frustration and distance. All of a sudden, instead of coming home and wanting to jump on your partner, you come home tired and know that you have more to talk about after you had a long day. People have successful relationships all the time though — so, what do they do?
How To Keep Butterflies Alive
I’ve noticed a few consistent things that help keep the butterflies and a relationship alive. I don’t think there is any science on these things for me to tell you if you do this it will work but I see it work for myself and also for other people around me who are in very healthy relationships.
- Talking about the things that are going on actually keeps you connected. If you stop looking at it like a stressful topic and instead it’s something to bring you closer it actually works. Remember, you’re working together as a team.
- Have fun at home, whatever that is for you. Matt and I love dancing so you can find us having really dorky dance parties at home haha.
- Plan a staycation. It doesn’t have to be far away or even for a long time. Sometimes just one day away from your normal routine can add a sense of adventure to your lives. Matt and I love traveling, but can’t always be gone for long, so we love doing these.
- Compliment each other.
- Plan date nights, or do random thoughtful gestures for each other — they go a long way.
- Always remember why you fell in love with each other.
I’m not sure if this was helpful at all, or if this is something you guys are even interested in reading about, but let me know if you’d like me to write more about this topic in the comments below! I’d love to hear from you.
For more relationship posts, see different ways to a successful relationship.